the_realer_me

Broke the 220 barrier before the end of October.

Now, to break the 200 barrier by year's end.

The way I'm eating lately?

I really don't feel deprived.

I can have bread, cheese, chocolate.

I'm just making sure to cap it at 1500 - 1600 calories.

Which is why I think I am gonna make my 1st goal - below 200 by the end of the year.

Considering myself officially over the cold as of today - back to regular exercising. (IE, mechanically burning about 140 calories at the gym where I work during the work week - two of these 'mini' workouts also being my homegrown 'interval workout', for maintaining cardio health - plus walking to and fro work, for around a total of 500 calories burned daily.)

A few days break this week from intensive exercising (have a cold) but already returned to walking to and fro work. By next week should be back to normal; had recently upped my activity from 2 mini 'interval' workouts a week to burning what ought to be about 500 calories a day (the 2 walks, plus 140 more calories at the gym, 5 days a week).

At this rate, I believe I should reach my 1st goal of 200 (and a wee bit under) by Christmas.

Have started daily morning blue light treatments.

Currently hovering at 221.5.

Became so convinced that I've been dealing with SAD the past couple of weeks that I've ordered one of those lamps to use in the morning (the grabbing and devouring of the bag of popcorn one night was a big clue). Having read up on the condition, I'm going to work with the carb craving aspect of it by deliberately having a carb snack later afternoon/early evening. IE, until I get the lamp, I pretty much do need the carb intake. But, having planned it now, it won't be a 'binge' - is now a planned serving.

Also upping the exercise, making sure to have a small, more leisurely workout late afternoon (alongside my twice weekly "interval" workouts), now to also add a wee bit of serotonin to the end of my day (hopefully).

Bit confused over what's considered to be a "moderate" level of exercise. Would mechanically burning 500 calories a day (due to walking and a short workout) be considered moderate?

Fall's kicking my @ss; got a touch of SAD - appetite's up, motivation to exercise is down.

Think I'll have to shift my calories, bunch them up a bit. Eat a little bit more.

Another stressy time at work - appetite's up.

Haven't listened to the Gabriel tape lately; looks like I'm reverting to stress eating (and/or Fall temps're triggering a fat-adding instinct) - gotta refresh the message.

Dipped as low as 226.5 'bought a week back; back up to 229 the past couple of days. Salty food, water-retention, late-night eating, one day ending with over 2K calories!

Still the 2 'interval' workouts a week, though.

Got myself a scale; getting a feel for the way weight fluctuates during a week, even during a day.

The little fluctuations if I check multiple times daily don't discouraging me; it's been, overall, downwards.

Still experimenting to see what I feel I need to eat calorie-wise daily, keeping in mind the recommended (recommended, not set in stone) amounts for safe weight loss. On average I'd say has been about 1500. Am definitely grazing, even though most recently my evening meal has been the largest (not ideal).

Keeping up the twice weekly interval workouts I designed for myself to boost metabolism. Still the same 20 minutes total, but have upped the stationary bike intensity at the baseline and what I turn it up to for the 30-second 'sprints' from what I was doing when I first started.

Ordered the 30-day shred vid; unfortunately it's apparently missing in the mail. Got the 5 lb weights I need, though, so will either try it via YouTube until the shipping issue is resolved or until I get sick of waiting and order another copy from a more reputable vendor.

Just started my period this morning, and I'm 230.5 - with period water weight and all - so, about 10 lbs gone since I started.

ETA: Just checked back on when I started this LJ - yep, been 2 months, and yep, 10 lbs is perfectly reasonable/safe for 8 weeks.

So, go me.

Going to do a workout's... starting to be a little satisfying. As opposed to just a chore.

Yesterday, I rewarded myself after my modest interval workout (one of 2 per week that I'm now consistent with to help keep my metabolism going) by doing half a solo round of 'around the world'.

I haven't played any sort of basketball for years (and am near-sighted). And I ran out of time cos the gym was closing in 20 minutes as I started, but I still made it half-way in abut 15 minutes. Plenty of exercise repeatedly chasing the ball. ;)

I also have briefly tried out some new things, like doing up to 10 minutes of rowing. Man, that machine burns calories quick! Still waking to or from work occasionally.

Have ordered the 30-day shred vid and a 5 lb dumbbell set, partly from being afraid that when the Fall semester starts, the returning students'll monopolize the rec center too much. Not sure I want to feel forced to go early in the morning. In any in case... I'll have my back-up system. =)

And it's starting to appear that yeah, I'm finally getting active enough to need to up my daily calories by a couple of hundred if I want to see progress. So I'm aware of that.

It's the only reliable thing that feels good.

ETA: Aaaaand...2 days later...I'm on the Rag. Go figure.

My appetite surged the past 3 days. Probably emotionally-triggered - I felt kind of anxious &/or depressed the past couple of days. I feasted in the evenings - I just wanted to eat a @#$ing lot of food. Just wanted to eat an additional meal, definitely more than I needed, until I was totally full and couldn't eat any more. So @#$ comforting. 1st real challenge to my plan up until now.

1st day, chinese food appetizer. 2nd day, a smaller amount of food, though still over my usual daily amount of the past month. Today - possibly well over my usual 'old' normal amount of calories - due to cheese.

Yeh, I hope I'm not believing again that I have to stay fat to be 'safe' or something.

Cos, you know? Got plenty of fat on me already.

Fortunately, stress at work which might possibly be the trigger didn't materialize as I'd feared, so hopefully the trigger will be gone and tomorrow will go as planned.

Exercising's going well...and I don't seem to have lost ground. Just spun my wheels.

Doing actually rather well sticking to a 1,200 calorie day. Not walking to and from work as much as I probably ought to, but getting in two 20-minute 'Interval' workouts (5 min warm-up and cool-down, 10 minutes intensive 30 sec intervals/1 min recovery periods) every week. Was down to 237 beginning of the week; this weekend up a half-lb. Hoping it's PMS-y water weight...still slightly pissed off, though. Listening to the Jon Gabriel tape every night - supposed to help subvert emotion-related weight retention/sabotage.

Checking out a music festival this weekend - unhealthy festival food challenges ahead. Do I want to eat less the rest of the day and just have a whateverIwant meal out, or try to make a 'sensible' choice while there? Falafel, mebbe.

Just got a big boost of Optimism - one weight loss calculator, once I plugged my stats in, said that even just at a light exercise level, I'd be at my 1st goal weight in only a year. That's at a daily calorie level (1200) that I've found over the past two weeks that I can definitely live with - I'm not feeling deprived, no 'binges', no desperate cravings. Hell, I can even have food out (and have), as long as I use common sense and avoid the package 'meals' full of cr@p, featuring fries and huge sodas. My food diary lets me tell no lies.

The exercise will be icing on the weight-loss cake - if I get more active than I have been, I'll lose even faster. Just have to remember to re-adjust intake for my changing RMR/BMR every 10 lbs.

What I end up doing for exercise has to fit into my day, though - and at the moment, I'm not going to do cardio for an hour+ a day. I'm just not. That might change in future, who knows, but right now that doesn't work for me. 20-40 minutes of walking, yeah. Three brief Interval workouts a week to build/ maintain my cardio health, sure. Additional movement (like the hour-long bike ride I took last week simply because I wanted to prove I could get somewhere to run an errand), and divers other activities, absolutely. Might give light strength training a go again in a bit....we'll see.

Impatient though I am, it's clear that it's got to be a permanent lifestyle change that fits into my life right now....not a massive, heroic effort that I would't want to maintain past the months it'd still take even if I pushed myself massively.

Cutting back to 1100 calories/day to guarantee a lb/week weight loss, minimum.

Keeping the 3 20-minute Interval Workouts/week for now. I can only hope that they do indeed raise the metabolism afterwards more than their paltry 200 calorie-burn would suggest.

At the gym this time.

5 min warmup stationary cycle @ resistance 4
10 minutes of intervals: 30 sec sprint @ resistence 7, 60 sec recovery @ resistance 4
5 min cooldown @ resistance 4

Duration: 20 minutes
5 minutes warm up (jogging in place)
About 10 minutes Intervals: 30 jumping jacks, then a minute recovery (jogging in place or walking quickly)
About 5 minutes cool-down

First work-out in some time. 23 minutes on a cycling machine, 200 calories burned.

Also, found out I'm 241.5 lbs right now. So, at least not up at 250 as I was one time this past winter.

I've been doing well with cutting back on calories - but will have to push on and add more than the occasional walking to my routine.

I've actually been averaging about 1200 calories/day...probably due to it finally feeling like Summer around here, reducing my appetite. Getting more active would presumably cause me to feel like eating more. Time will tell.

The road ahead is so long....so very long.

As long as I see some sort of progress. Even if it's really slow. Considering what I'm starting from, my time line is from 1 - 2 years

I'm worried what will become of my mood now that I can no longer stuff myself with food to feel better. I mean never. The way I use food has got to change - permanently.

I wonder if exercise, realistically, can really replace that. I guess it better!

I'm worried that losing my favorite self-soothing behavior will lead to permanent nasty mood.

I'm gonna need that exercise. I need to lose the 2 lbs per week to accomplish my big change in a year.

Finally can no longer stand the way I've let myself become. Starting this separate LJ to track my progress in weight loss and fitness.

I've already started strict potion control this weekend. Hasn't been too bad thus far. If I don't eat at least enough to keep my blood sugar even, though, I'll turn savage. Which won't go over too well at a job with customer service involved.

I'll get a starting weight for the record tomorrow at the gym. Might not share it here. Let's just say I have a looooooong way to go to get to my goal weight.

I eat healthy enough; exercise will be the big habit change. Well, that and portion control.